A rare state of awareness
I had been feeling weird today. Weird not as in any disregard for life. I'm consciously aware of innumerable things I've done in my life, people I've been among with and all the quanta of gratitude that I've been practising since I became aware. Today was a weird day. Since a long time I've felt this inability towards action. But I've frankly revolted against and been able to figure out my life well despite how I feel. I feel... disassociated today. In a state of complete balance. Balance not out of bliss, but out of sheer rejection of engagement in any particular task. This is not the first time though. A lot of times it has happened earlier, but today, the most recent. I... feel balanced, not wanting to engage in anything, not wanting to do anything, just sitting and meditating upon the activity going on inside my body. Watching over the breaths I take, the hands that I'm typing this with, the eyes that roll out, the wind blowing on me, the sweaty joints of my legs due to the non balance of the coolness outside and my body's generated heat.
This is probably one of the few moments where I'm feeling balanced. I don't wish to destroy anything, neither do I wish to create anything. But what to make out of it? Is it what it feels like when you're at peace? Or is there a completely different term for the, an esque for what I'm feeling? Questions. Questions never stop. I think I just stop questioning for a while. It might just help me.